Things I Don't Understand, Part Two

Here are some more things I don't understand...

Nothing about the necktie makes sense

When you look at old male fashion, say from the Middle Ages or the Victorian era, they have curiosities like ruffles or codpieces or cravats that are now mostly forgotten. For good reason - they look silly and have no function in the efficient, modern world.

The tie should be in the same box - an historical relic from an embarrassing bygone era. Instead this ridiculous bit of fabric is considered a symbol of power and success!

Some of the cons of ties include:

• Unlike virtually all other items of clothing, it serves no practical purpose, like providing warmth or modesty or holding my pants up.

• You must learn a convoluted series of steps to make a tie knot look presentable. And learn them back-to-front, because you do it in the mirror. And also you need to ensure you get the tie length right at the start, because it's almost impossible to adjust once you're committed to the knot.

• It gets in the way of pretty much everything because it's a long dangling thing hanging down from your neck.

• As previously mentioned, it's a long dangling thing hanging down from your neck, which is arguably the most vulnerable outside part of the human body. This makes the tie an occupational health and safety risk. If you wear a tie, you could easily die in a workplace accident involving a hole punch or something.

After extensive research, I don't believe there are any pros.

There is literally no other aspect of life where we would unquestioningly accept such an inconvenient, time-wasting, valueless exercise as putting on a tie.

A day at the races

I don't mind a bet but the way the track works is actually quite bizarre. Especially during the major carnivals.

Traditionally you dress formally to go to the races. But traditionally people dressed formally to go anywhere. Casual clothes simply didn't exist. There has been a liberation where you can go to the cinema or a restaurant or the footy dressed in whatever, but standing in a paddock to watch some big smelly animals get whipped to go faster still requires a strict dress code. Really?

Plus you don't behave formally. Most racegoers dress their finest to behave their worst. General admission is like the last days of the Roman Empire - full of excess and debauchery. Just with less sandals and more dudes in white shoes.

I also find the concept of 'colourful racing identities' interesting. I'd like to see this applied to other fields. A shoplifter could be a 'colourful retail identity', while someone that takes recreational drugs is a 'colourful pharmaceutical identity'.

Adults that suggest Triple J is no longer cool because they don't like its musical content

If as a fully formed adult you enjoy Triple J as much as you did in your teens, there are three possibilities:

1. It is failing in its charter as a youth radio network

2. You need to get a haircut and get a real job

3. You are Richard Kingsmill

The banana bread delusion

I think people have moved past this, but for awhile banana bread was considered a legitimate breakfast option. It's actually cake without icing. What an incredible ruse by the banana lobbyists. Only matched by the orange lobbyists convincing us for decades that fruit juice was good for you.