Stuff My Kids Say, Part Nine

This edition includes takes on comedy, fish, home design and footy teams, amongst other hot topics.

Older stuff my kids say is here.

My kids, from left to right: J, O, and R.

New stuff below!


1.
Let's start with a report from the field correspondent, a.k.a. my wife.

She was driving the boys around and had to negotiate exiting a tight car park, reversing out, forward, back again, and then full lock right to leave.

In the middle of this process, R decided to ask, "are you sure you know what you're doing mum?"

Mum replied, "yes."

R then said, "really? Are you sure? Really?" Clearly he was not convinced the exit was as complex as it was being made to appear. But he is also four years old and can't see over a steering wheel or reach the pedals.

Fortunately J is much more supportive of his mother. When I was driving and making a standard right turn out of a driveway, he said, "I don't think you know what you're doing. Mummy is a better driver."

I did suggest, jokingly, that he could get out and walk. To which he said, "it's too far and I don't know the way." Which was an entirely accurate and practical response.

2.

J might like mum's driving, but he doesn't always appreciate the destination.

After an exhilarating trip to the Big Pineapple (review: it sucks), we went to a nearby cafe for lunch, which was attached to a whole foods store. After lunch, we decided to have a look. Josh entered, scanned the room, then yelled, "this is the most boring place in the world! Let's go home."

3.
The kids love halloween. A few days out, R asked me why the shops put up Christmas decorations but not halloween decorations.

On the morning of halloween, he literally jumped out of bed and said, "Yay! Halloween!" Later he explained why he loved halloween. "I love halloween, we dress up at school and don't even have to learn!" I suggested that probably wasn't true but he was already talking about his favourite costume to wear.

4.

R did tell me something spooky around halloween.

He moved close to my face, and with wide eyes whispered, "there is a train that comes past the hill at soccer. That. Doesn't. Have. Any. People."

There is a goods line near where they play soccer.

5.

We went to sushi and as the waitress put down the plates, J started complaining.

"I don't like that plate!", he said, pointing to the one in front of him.

"What's wrong with it?"

"It doesn't have sushi on it." We hadn't ordered yet.

6.

J can be particular about his food and he also hates losing an argument.

One evening he was complaining because he wanted fish, not fish fingers. After whining about his fish fingers for about five minutes, you could see him stop to think - how can I eat this while saving face?

That is why next he muttered, "luckily fish fingers have fish in them!", before taking a bite.

7.
The other day R noticed the house across the road has a fan on the verandah. "That's ridiculous!", he scoffed. "Why would you have a fan on a verandah?!" It was like he'd seen a UFO.

8.

The boys like the footy, and I like the footy, so a few weeks ago we watched some footy.

J asked who was playing. It was New Zealand versus Samoa.

"No, the black team is the Lightnings", he said, "and the blue team is the Bombs." Later he added, "red teams are always Dragons."

So I started asking him about other teams.

"What is the green team?"

"The Grass."

The orange team are the "Lions and Tigers", while the yellow team are the "Yellow Shoes", which if baseball can have White Sox makes sense to me. The best one was the white team though.

"The white team are the Work Shirts," J said, in a statement that gives away that I work in an office.

Last night he was so happy that "the Work Shirts" (England) won, having decided during the game he wanted them to win.

9.

Speaking of shirts, one afternoon when picking J up from child care I noticed he'd changed t-shirts during the day.

I squatted down to his level. "Why did you change shirts?", I asked, fearing something spilled I have to clean.

He grabbed my face hard and said, "be-member, it is hot in here."

10.
Finally, R told me a joke. Kids do funny things all the time, but they don't do it deliberately. I was quite impressed by this.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"I don't know."

"To get to your house! Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"The chicken!"