NRL GRUB RANKINGS - OFFICIAL 2019 UPDATE
In 2015, I undertook months of painstaking research to produce easily the most comprehensive list of NRL grubs ever assembled.
The original countdown is here, here, and here (three parts).
'Grub' is, of course, the preferred insult to throw at an NRL player you don't like for a myriad of reasons, from legitimate grub behaviour like dirty play, to just being from the wrong state or playing for the wrong club.
(Note that in AFL, the word 'flog' is used similarly to 'grub', although flog is problematic due to its association with people who wanted to code their racism about Adam Goodes because they were horrible people AND also too cowardly to be openly racist.)
If you disagree that someone is a grub, or has committed a grub act, the strongest possible defense is to exclaim "it's not his go!". This leads to a stalemate, with no clear determination of the players grubbiness.
Which is why I developed the grub rankings, for footy related grub acts only.
But moving forward to 2019, about half of the original 43 grubs have retired - this includes some first ballot hall-of-fame caliber grubs like Greg Bird, Mick Ennis, Nate Myles and Justin Hodges. Which means it's time for an update to the Official NRL Grub Rankings...
Stage 1: IT'S-NOT-HIS-GO!
Giving these guys the benefit of the doubt
30. Will Hopoate
I've just included Will Hopoate to allow me to highlight the contributions of his father John to NRL grubdom again.
 |
| How not to shoulder charge (even when they were legal). |
The original Hoppa was a very talented winger who at some point went completely off the rails and became a sideshow act. And while his infamy is related to digital penetration, he has an impressive wrap sheet of further crimes and misdemeanours - from a high and late
Even long after his NRL banishment, Hoppa managed to get himself banned from footy for ten years.
Fortunately for Will, the apple appears to have fallen far from the tree, and he has a pretty clean record.
29. Tom Burgess
Note sure if grubby or labelled a grub by association with his two grub brothers. We will get to them later.
28. Nick Cotric
27. Curtis Scott
It's kinda weird the only two send-offs since the last list in 2015 have been mild-mannered centres. Both incidents warranted dismissals, but weren't enough to convince me either player is particularly grubby. Cotric had a lifting tackle get away from him, and while it looked horrendous, it wasn't a 1980s style deliberate spear. And last season, Scott punched Dylan Walker a few times in the head... but I ask you, who hasn't wanted to do that?
Stage 2: IT'S-NOT-HIS-GO?
I can understand the it's-not-his-go argument, I'm just not convinced it applies
26. Mitchell Moses
25. Daly Cherry-Evans
Money is grubby and the way Moses manipulated the system to get an early release to join the Eels was an impressive money-related act of grubbiness. However, nobody can match the masterclass from DCE, where he played the Titans and Sea Eagles off each other to establish himself as one of the best paid players in the game for the last four years, and probably the next four years too.
24. Kalyn Ponga
This might be a controversial inclusion, but Ponga seems to have a happy knack for shoulder charging players and getting away with it this season. It adds an exclamation point to the argument that he is the logical successor to Billy Slater (#9 in 2015).
Stage 3: EGG
Huge grub potential, but could still develop into something else
23. Latrell Mitchell
22. Will Chambers
Every time the Storm play the Roosters, or Queensland plays New South Wales, these two should just get a room where the can undertake their depraved grub acts against each other away from prying eyes.
 |
| Hold me. |
A five-week suspension for eye gouging in your rookie season is a pretty ominous start to a career.
Stage 4: LARVAE
All doubt removed - a grub is born
20. Cameron Munster
In last years grand final, Munster became the first person ever sin binned twice in the decider. The second time was literally for kicking someone while they were down...
19. Sia Soliola
The man responsible for maybe the worst tackle since the original list in 2015.
18. Tariq Sims
Sims plays close to the edge in terms of his aggressive defensive style, and also appears to be one of the chattier players on the field.
17. Dylan Napa
This isn't even about 'Big Papi' - more about how Napa's head-first tackling style knocked out one player and broke the jaw of another last season.
Stage 5: HALL-OF-FAME
Age shall not weary these veterans - they may have mellowed but still have some tricks
16. Russell Packer
Packer will always be remembered for going to the toilet... on the field.
15. James Maloney
Maloney is a super player who has significantly improved every team he's joined over his long career. However, this competitiveness translates to him being one of the more, let's say annoying, players going around - he's not short of a word to an opponent, or a bit of niggle in a tackle. Combining his attitude with defensive weaknesses means a few trips to the judiciary over the years too.
 |
| Rob of Leichhardt plots reclaiming the throne of Weststigeros. |
14. Robbie Farah
I rated Farah pretty low last time (#39). I somehow blanked his get square on Anthony Watts. It is an incident that makes it even more bizarre that Farah battled throughout most of his career against the belief he wasn't an Origin style player, which is ex-footy player code for not grubby enough.
Since the first rankings, Farah also managed to have an ugly dispute with his coach, leading to getting exiled to reserve grade, then playing more reserve grade at another club, before somehow returning to be a key player at the Tigers again, all while his original coach is now coaching reserves. It's like the footy version of Game of Thrones, without the deaths of course.
13. Josh Reynolds
His nickname is "Grub". The prosecution rests, your honour.
Stage 6: PUPAE
The point of no return - permanent reputation for grubbiness going to be hard to shake
12. Matt Prior
I'll just leave this here.
11. David Klemmer
Seems to have reined it in more lately, but big Dave definitely has some pretty mad on-field moments, especially in Origin. Plus there was that time he attacked poor, innocent Billy Slater's foot... with his head. Luckily he was penalised for it.
 |
| You just can't attack the foot like this, they needed to make an example of him. |
This season Fifita was suspended in round 15 and 16, then again in round 18.
Stage 7: BEETLE
Fully developed grubs
9. Adam Blair
The Battle of Brookvale.
8. Jared Waerea-Hargreaves
JWH is cited by the match committee so often he probably has a permanently reserved parking spot at the judiciary.
7. George Burgess
George effectively been exiled to the UK Superleague after copping a nine-week suspension for a facial/eye gouge. I feel the punishment might have been considered heavy-handed, except that there's all the other incidents and prior suspensions on his record. The dumbest had to be the time George threw a water bottle at an opposition player while sitting on the interchange. It's take a special grub to find a way to get suspended while not actually playing.
And yet he's not even the grubbiest in his family.
6. Cameron Smith
Smith is the master of the various Storm wrestling tactics like the crusher, the grapple, the twister, the purple nurple, the wet willy, the dreaded rear admiral, plus whatever new unnamed dark arts they are currently working on.
When he's not rasslin', he is gaming the referees. He is so focused on undermining the men (and now one woman) with the whistle he once argued about a penalty while the victim of the tackle was being assessed for paralysis.
Smith also won't hesitate to sign two playing contracts, and even now, the NRL are providing his wife with undeclared gifts, which is basically sanctioned salary cap cheating.
5. James Graham
I had him first on the Grub List four years ago. But since he starting playing for the team I support, I find him to be much less grubby. Funny how that works.
Stage 8: LES BOYD
Rugby league has evolved over the last thirty five years to curb these lunatics
4. Paul Gallen
In his defense, I think Gallen has downgraded his stitches-ripping, wheel-grabbing, arm-swinging, punch-throwing act, and is more of an aggressive troll this days. He's got soft in his old age.
3. Josh McGuire
McGuire managed to get cited three times for hands in the face while tackling this year. Eventually the mysterious and inconsistent Match Review Committee decided it was worthy of a few weeks off. According to rumour, he's not well-loved off-field either...
2. Sam Burgess
Sam Burgess may be the only player to have ever completed judiciary bingo, when back in 2012-13 he managed to get suspended for:
- High tackle (NRL)
- High tackle (International)
- Crusher tackle
- Grapple tackle
- "Squirrel Grip"
1. Issac Luke
Luke is due back on the field this week after a short holiday for a lifting tackle. But his finest Grub act - the Mona Lisa of the grub world - is the time he tried to break another players leg. And that player was his cousin.
Below is video of the incident. It is helpfully titled, "Issac Luke Is A Grub". Not by me, I swear.
No comments:
Post a Comment