Injuries

You can't just have a boring accident in my house.

One week ago, it started with a suspected poisoning...
Twin R charged into our bedroom. "Mum, O has sprayed me with poison! He has sprayed poison everywhere!", he yelled alarmingly.

I was in the ensuite, drying myself after showering, when I heard this. I came out, wrapped in my towel.

"I've been poisoned," he repeated. He was more calm now. Perhaps he had already accepted his fate and made peace with it.

I was certain he had not been poisoned, but I also didn't know what it was either. With the towel falling off the hips of my glorious Dad-bod and about to reveal all, I started heading out to investigate.

My wife pushed past. "Get dressed, watch the baby!", she cried. It did make sense for her to go instead.

About fifteen seconds later, I heard a scream and then crying.

I raced out in my undies holding baby L - having progressed slightly towards decency - to see my wife sitting at the bottom of the two steps that lead down from the front to the back of the house.

"She slipped in the poison!", R said.

It was not poison. It was soapy water. Toddler O had sprayed it all over the tiles and made them slippery enough to fall over. The outcome was a sprained ankle and broken big toe.

*        *        *

One week earlier, O had been the accident victim himself. Or as he put it:

"My went in an ambulance! My knocked myself out!"

He fell off his chair at the dinner table - just being a clumsy toddler, not even being silly - and hit his head on the way down. We're not sure if it was on the table or the ground. He had concussion symptoms and it was serious enough that he went to the hospital overnight for observation.

Fortunately, the next morning he was discharged. We were instructed to keep monitoring him at home.

What I monitored was a toddler taking the piss out of a serious situation.

"My want to go in ambulance again - nee naw, nee naw!", he told me later that night.

"You don't need to, you're not sick or hurt," I replied.

"But my bump my head again," he pretended, rubbing it. "And look, my vomit! Urrggghhhh! UURRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!"