Friday, 12 February 2016

Toddlers, Part Two

My twin boys are toddlers, and they do and say funny stuff.

Pictured: R & J
Earlier stuff is here.

Newer stuff follows below...

They both got one of those leapfrog toy computer things for Christmas. Three weeks later I finally got around to downloading the app and completing the annoying song selections. So they were now ready to arbitrarily push buttons for fifteen minutes, then carelessly throw them onto the tile floor, where one of us will later trip over them.

I handed them both their computers while they sat on the lounge.

After some initial excitement, R exclaimed, "I need my glasses!". He then went over to the coffee table, picked up an invisible pair, put his hands over his closed eyes, moved them away again, and squinted his eyes open. Then he sat back down and started bashing the keys.

When they get their nappies changed, J will often start yelling "WHOAAAAAA HELP ME!!!". This will lead to R coming in and saying, "I need an idea!". I'll say "what's your idea?", and he'll say "to rescue you" (you meaning J, as they don't quite get you/me/him etc. yet). Then they will both then stretch out their hands and be yelling "I can't reach, hold onnn!".

It makes cleaning up their shit and piss quite difficult.

I think this roleplaying is loosely based on Fireman Sam. R will often tell me to "call Fireman Sam for a rescue". J says, "it's my favourite! I love Fireman Sam!", every time the show starts. J also loves, in no particular order: watermelon, and his mum.

Sometimes J will put his hands on his hips and say, "we are not doing that!". He will then start wagging his finger and add, "I told you we're not doing that!".

He does this when you haven't asked him to do anything.

If you ask what "that" is, he just says repeats his earlier statements.

When R is in trouble, sometimes he will stare at you, narrow his eyes, stretch out his arm and push his wrist with the other hand. This happened a few times before he explained that he was "lasering you".

J never walks like a normal person. He either runs, demands to be carried, or does various crazy walks.

Sometimes the crazy walking is goose-stepping. I'll only get concerned if he announces an intention to join the Luftwaffe.

After seeing it on television for five minutes during the Australian Open, R wants to play tennis. I thought this would pass quickly, but often the first thing he says when waking up in the morning is, "we can play tennis today?".

Before tennis, he also demanded to play "picket". Predictably he then spent the entire time trying to get the bails to stay on the stumps, then smashing the stumps with the cricket bat.

On the train to childcare, the boys get a drink, to keep them hydrated and also quiet. One morning they decided to argue over which identical blue sippy cup belonged to them. They both wanted the same one. J had it, and R was screaming "it's mine, give it back!". J was not giving it up.

After some tense negotiations, followed by the threat of taking it off everyone, J said "I do it!" and handed his cup to R.

R then stretched out his arm holding the bottle and screamed "put it away!" repeatedly.

The childcare is in the same building as my work. It is an amazing facility, with great educators, and very conveniently located for managing work/life balance. However, before accepting the placements we did forget to check whether the fees were more or less than the GDP of a small nation.

I recently had a work colleague from our main office suggest to me their childcare fees in suburban Canberra were probably as expensive. It was the funniest thing I've ever heard said at work.

Anyway, when dropping them off or picking them up we will often see colleagues in the lift. Normally the boys just stare and make them feel awkward and uncomfortable.

But one time, J decided to break the vow of silence, by randomly yelling "good morning!". I don't think I've ever heard him say good morning before or since. Especially not at 4:40 in the afternoon.

At childcare, they give a "late snack" between 4:30 and 5:00pm. This is normally the time we pick them up. So sometimes they get the late snack, and sometimes they don't. This isn't a problem, as we bring our own snacks for the train.

Then one time they saw the late snack as we were leaving, and that's when R spent the entire train journey crying about "wanting late snack", in between shovelling the very similar snack bought from home into his mouth.

J then starting yelling at him, "you need to calm down!".

Until recently, we have both managed to avoid swearing in front of them, or perhaps more accurately, we have managed to avoid swearing in front of them and having them copy it.

This is quite the achievement, as in the words of R, "I'm a parrot!". When you ask him what kind, he's says, "a green one".

Then the other day I walk into the bathroom and R is saying "I'm humping the door!". Which is exactly what it looks like he's doing.

I'm sure whichever parent told him "not to hump the door" is really regretting their choice of words right now.

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