Differences Between Twins and Singles

So yeah, I have three children now.

This is not one of them.

After a pause for your heartfelt congratulations, I'll continue with some observations I've made between having twins and then having one baby at a time.


Free Hands
So the first time it was just chaos - I'm doing everything else for my wife while she breast feeds all the time, I'm often bottle feeding the boys too, and there's always something that needs to be done.

I was so busy that once I woke up my wife in a panic because I couldn't find the baby. There was one in the cot, one in my arms, but where was the second one?

It took about ten minutes to solve the case of the missing baby - the solution was that I no longer had the capacity to count properly due to sheer exhaustion.

And this is nothing compared to what my wife experienced.

But this time, there were some periods in the hospital of two-to-three hours where I did nothing but use the free wifi on my mobile and watch the comically small television affixed to the roof. Then I'd change a nappy and hold the baby for a bit so my wife could eat. Then I might have a nap.

It was pretty great.

With one baby I was able to put on a jumper without putting the baby down. Now that's almost certainly not recommended or perhaps even safe behaviour, but I was rather cold and it was possible!

One baby is still extraordinarily hard work, but going from two has so far been like dropping out of advanced calculus to build a volcano from papier-maché and bicarbonate soda. And then getting the same course credit.

And upon its completion, I received my PhD in Pure Mathematics.

What You Notice
I always marvelled when people knew these really intimate details about their children. Now I know how! Have one at a time.

I know all about his little face with its little expressions.

Mostly though, I still just notice his gas. The only thing about babies that is not small is the noises they make from their bums. They do proper adult farts from day one.

Am I Bothered?
Even the slightest amount of spare time, as well as the ability to pay attention to detail, does mean certain things that just washed over you with twins now cause drama with one.

In two weeks, there has only been one vomit and one nappy failure.

But this additional washing of, like, seven tiny items of clothing and bedding over two weeks has frustrated me no end.

Yet the first time around I was doing a full load of clothes washing every day.

Also, the first time I ever used a nappy was on the doll in the pre-natal class. I put it on backwards. The second time was on one of my twins. The first nappy failure occured about one hour later. So one accident in two weeks is rather good.

Nobody Cares
With twins everyone wants to stop you in the street, check they're not seeing double, and that yes, it's two babies!

Then they say something inane like "double trouble!", tell you about how the best friend of their cousins nephew has a sister who just had twins, and end with some unsolicited parenting advice.

Nobody stops us now. The anonymity is refreshing.

The other thing is I often got personally congratulated about having twins. I think some people thought the twins was due to my tremendous masculinity, and with it, the sheer force and power of my sperm.

Pictured: one of my sperm on its way to get a coffee, York St Sydney.

This time, nobody praises my masculinity based on their complete ignorance of biology.

The closest I get to having my masculinity praised is when the twins complain I have "rough hands" when I help them get dressed. And they intend it as an insult.