Thursday, 4 August 2016

Toddlers, Part Five

My twin boys are toddlers and they do and say funny stuff.
A picture of R & J and definitely not a stock image found through an Internet search engine.
Earlier editions: one, two, three, four.

In this edition, there is a new addition to the family: Baby O.

When the boys first saw O at the hospital, J literally backed away from the cot.

The next time, when O was crying, J asked what was wrong. "He needs a drink", was the reply. J kindly said, "he can have some of mine", and then offered his lemonade in a plastic cup with a straw.

We then explained to both older kids that babies need milk. Then where it comes from. This was met with disbelief. R literally said "wha??". J smiled like he was onto a practical joke and said "noooo". Now R calls it "booby milk".

While my wife was still in hospital, I called her through Skype. I had a kid on each knee, but there was a lot of competition to monopolise time with mum. At one point, J starting pushing R off my knee while yelling "too many boys!".
Not sure if the slinky or the tail is the
 umbilical cord. It was a flawed analogy.

I explained to R about the umbilical cord, which he calls the "umbilical corn", by having a slinky dog explode out of my jumper.

I guess this one is more about funny things I say and do.

J was calling the new baby Toby. I think Toby is his friend from daycare. The first time was an accident, the next ten times I'm convinced he was doing it to wind up his parents.

"Ahh, I don't remember his name", he'll begin, while rubbing his chin with his finger like in deep thought. "Is it, ahh... is it Toby?".  Then he gives a goofy grin.

R has recognised that the arrival of O means new responsibilities, like tidying up his toys, because "the baby will crawl on them and eat them".

He doesn't always follow his words with deeds though. I asked him to tidy the other day. He responded by saying, "I'm on the phone". He then lifted his t-shirt and a toy phone fell out, because apparently now phones get shoved under your shirt like they're slinky dogs.

Next he started yelling into his phone, "hello Dad! Daddy? DAD!?!". So I replied, "Hi R, can you please tidy up your toys?". He then said, "no I'm busy, I'll do it later. Bye!", pushed his finger to the phone to hang up, put it back under his shirt, and walked away.

If I asked J to tidy, he would respond defiantly with "that's not a question!" This is because I once said to him when he was questioning something I'd asked him that it wasn't a question. I did this once. It's been said back to me about 500 times. In the last week.

The only time he hasn't told me something wasn't a question is when he started swirling his tongue around, before saying "look at me, I have a funny tongue".

I was driving and went around a corner a bit faster than usual. R said, "weeeee! I like that". J yelled, "there's no brakes now!".

I should've known the boys like speed and danger. At the playground, J has three speeds for the swings: slow, fast, and "too fast". "Too fast" is his favourite speed.

R often complains when I dress him about my rough hands. One time he said, "Daddy I don't like your rough hands. They're too rough. Rough hands roughing me up. Mummy has soft hands".

Then I asked who else has soft hands, and he named every other person he knows.

R also likes to say things beyond his years. He told his grandmother, "that's a pretty top". He once said to me, "today is a lovely day". But he also calls hiccups, "hippycups".

Finally, this is what J sleeps with now:
J doesn't ask a second favour once he's been refused the first, understood?

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