Stuff My Kids Say, Part 13

We reached a milestone recently. The youngest, O, can now open doors and NOTHING IS SAFE ANYMORE!

Dramatisation, may not have happened this way.

And here is O chilling with his older twin brothers, R and J.

Would've been a better family pic if I'd been facing the camera.

Their previous adventures can be found by following the link to "Kids", somewhere over there ------>

1.
Aside from opening doors, O's other favourite thing is putting things away. We actively encourage this hobby because it's only a matter of time before it becomes his least favourite thing, as is the case with his brothers.

But there is some collateral damage when a toddler puts things away.

A lot of things end up in garbage bins that are not garbage.

Recently my wife was 45 minutes late because she couldn't find any of O's shoes. He had put them in the basket for dirty clothes. All of them.

But his greatest work must be the time we caught him throwing his brothers toothbrushes in the toilet. Fortunately they were fine, as they couldn't touch the water because the toilet was clogged with all the shampoo and moisturiser bottles he'd already put in there.


2.
The favourite thing of R and J is clearly television. Particularly ABC Kids.

But watching on the TV isn't enough. R recently told me, "you need to get the ABC iView Listen app. On your phone."

I asked why.

He said, "because the iView Listen app has has stories, songs, podcasts and games", almost exactly like they say on the television. Advertising works. Even from a public broadcaster whose charter says it can't advertise.

But it turns out he doesn't really need the app for songs.

We later caught R dancing in silence, while his mouth moved. He explained he was "dancing to the radio his head."

I asked what it played.

"It's always Wiggles songs", he said.


3.
J also really likes junk food. It was therefore surprising when he offered mummy some of his Easter chocolate.

Until you saw what he offered:

4.
O likes food too, and while he's not a very expansive talker yet, he has ways of communicating. Like taking the toy milk bottle from a doll and trying to drink it.


5.
We often play 'I spy' when walking home from the train station after travelling home from work/childcare.

Normally we just do colours... I spy with my little eye something that is green. (It will always be the leaves on a tree).

Recently I decided that since they were older now, maybe we should go with letters, or at least the sounds letters make.

This was not a popular decision.

In the middle of the tantrums, J said we couldn't play this way because he didn't know the alphabet. Then he started repeating the alphabet. To demonstrate that he would get it wrong.

"A. B. C. D. E. F. G. H. I. J. K. L-el-L-and-P."

Note that part isn't the mistake, that just how nearly all four-year-olds mangle the middle of the alphabet. He continued...

"Q. R. S. T. U. V. W. Z. F and G.

The brilliance here is not making the mistake too early. Instead he got me invested in a nearly complete, tedious recital of the alphabet, before trolling me right at the end by deliberately fucking it up.

It was genius, really.

We did not play 'I spy' with letters/sounds that day.


6.
On words and letters, R sees a speech therapist for a minor issue where he doesn't pronounce his "ssss" sound.

For example, before therapy he would say poon, not spoon. Or fidh, not fish. 

As part of his therapy, after each appointment, there are word games to play at home. Sometimes though, life gets in the way.

So before one appointment, we hadn't played the games at all during the week.

Fortunately, R knew what we could do. "We can lie!", he helpfully suggested.


7.
From English to science lessons.

R and J have really got into nature documentaries. They love Planet Earth, Blue Planet, and so on.

There are some concerning moments that in retrospect they didn't need to see, like a crocodile eating a wildebeest.

Circle of life!

Another time, they watched giraffes fighting. I did not know giraffes fight. But they do, and it's incredibly violent. They swing their necks like clubs. This fight ended when one giraffe ducked low and cracked the other in the upper leg with his neck.

Dramatisation, may not have happened this way.

After this, rather than being traumatised by two of his favourite type of animal fighting, J told me "that giraffe is now the alpha."

R then explained what an alpha means. I was impressed.

Then I asked, "who is the alpha of the house?"

Both pointed to mum.


8.
Geography lesson: when I said I was going to Canberra for work, J said he "wants to go to Canberra, to see the Eiffel Tower."


9.
History lesson: nearing ANZAC Day, there was a slightly awkward discussion about what it's all about, and soldiers, and war and what is it good for (absolutely nothin').

At the end of it, J said, "so the soldiers died fighting the dragons?"

10.
Let's end on one of the most terrifying moments of my life.

We were at the supermarket. For reasons I can't recall, instead of being constrained in a child seat in a trolley, R and J were running wild. They ignored requests to staying close to us. The supermarket was pretty busy, and I'm thinking they could run into a trolley and get hurt.

Or worse, run into something and break it so I'd have to pay for it.

In the end, I really had no option but to physically grab them. And as I did, R smirks, and yells "don't touch me, you're not my dad!"

People turn around.

I freeze.

Then R and other people laugh, and I'm so relieved.