I submitted the following article to The Roar a few weeks ago. Despite my best efforts to tone it down, it was rejected for being a bit too spicy, which is fair enough.
But nothing is too spicy for my personal blog.
Here's my previous stuff that they have accepted:
And here's the rejected...
OFFICIAL NRL GRUB RANKINGS - 2020 SEASON
The footy is back. Which means it’s time to unveil the most hotly contested player ratings going
around: the NRL Grub List.
In rugby league circles, ‘grub’ is traditionally the preferred insult to throw at an NRL player you don't
like for a myriad of reasons, from legitimate grub behaviour like excessively dirty play, to just being
from the wrong state or playing for the wrong club.
It is like ‘flog’ in AFL, although ‘grub’ is not also used to cover-up thinly veiled racism towards a
former Australian of the Year.
If you disagree that someone is a grub, or whether they have committed a grub act, the strongest
possible defence is to exclaim "it's not his go!". This leads to a stalemate, with no clear determination
of the players grubbiness.
It’s a highly contentious issue. Which is why I have developed the official countdown of the top 20
grubs.
The only strict rule is that I’m only ranking based on footy-related grub behavior, not off-field
indiscretions. So smashing someone on the field is in, but smashing someone on a Bali trip is out.
Also, this is not a reflection of a players actual character, just an acknowledgment of their white-line
fever.
Level 1: EGG
Huge grub potential, but could still develop into a butterfly.
20. Tom Burgess
Not sure if he’s an actual grub, or just grubby by association with his grub brothers.
If I was to select the Burgess brothers finest grub moment it be the magical 12 months where Sam
racked up the Grub Grand Slam, back in 2012-13 – suspensions for high tackles for both club and
country, for a crusher tackle, a grapple tackle, and a “squirrel grip”.
Runner-up would be the time George managed to get suspended for throwing a bottle onto the field
while sitting on the interchange. It takes a highly develop grub to visit the judiciary for an action
while not playing.
19. Nick Cotric
18 Curtis Scott
It’s weird that the only two send-offs in the last five years have come from centres rather than
renowned hard men.
17. Kalyn Ponga
This might be controversial, but Ponga is recently suspended for a shoulder charge, and I think he’s
got away with a few prior to this. It’s just another way he’s the obvious successor to Billy Slater as
Queensland fullback.
Level 2: LARVAE
A grub is born.
16. Cameron Munster
The only player to ever be sinned-binned twice in a Grand Final, and the second instance was for
literally kicking a man while he was down.
15. Sia Soliola
Probably has one notable grub act in his career, but it was a doozy - taking Billy Slater’s head off
in 2017 with the worst tackle in recent NRL history.
14. Tariq Sims
Sims plays close to the edge with his aggression in defense, and doesn’t mind a sledge.
13. Dylan Napa
In 2018, Napa’s “head-first” tackling style knocked out one player and broke the jaw of another.
Level 3: PUPAE
The point of no return; permanent reputation for grubbiness is going to be hard to shake.
12. Hudson Young
It’s going to be difficult to overcome the reputational damage of two suspensions for eye-gouging
totaling 13 weeks in your first NRL season.
11. Russell Packer
He once did a wee on the field.
10. David Klemmer
Klemmer seems to have reined it in lately, but he’s definitely had some mad on-field moments,
especially in his early Origin appearances, where he seemed to be occasionally possessed by the
spirit of Mark Geyer.
Although surely the most memorable grub act from Klemmer is that time in the 2014 Grand Final he
attacked poor, innocent Bill Slater’s foot with his head. Luckily, he was penalised for it.
9. Josh Reynolds
His nickname is “grub”. The prosecution rests, your honour.
Level 4: BEETLE
Fully developed grubs
8. Andrew Fifita
Last season, Fifita was suspensed four rounds 15 and 16, then again for Round 18. The rest of the
time, he just gave away a lot of penalties.
7. Jared Waerea-Hargreaves
6. Tevita Pangai Jr.
These players are cited by the match committee so often, they must have reserved parking spots at
the judiciary.
5. Cameron Smith
The Storm are considered to be innovators of the modern “dark arts” of rugby league – the wrestling
tactics to slow down the ruck. Cameron Smith is their leader and therefore the master of the
grapple, the crusher, the twister, the purple nurple, the wet willy, and the dreaded rear-admiral.
Smith also is widely considered to be an excellent referee.
Level 5: LES BOYD
Won’t somebody please think of the children? Rugby league has evolved to curb these lunatics.
4. Adam Blair
The last survivor of the infamous Battle of Brookvale, 2011.
3. Josh McGuire
In 2019, McGuire was cited three times for giving other players facials. Somehow, he escaped
suspension the first two times, but the third was the charm.
2. James Graham
The only footy player crazy enough to publicly suggest concussion rules are bad (he knows the
risks!). If he cares so little for his own safety, imagine what can happen to someone else?
Perhaps they will have their legs taken out when attempting a field goal? Or be bitten in a Grand
Final?
Graham also once put Vaseline on his legs to make it harder to tackle him, which is both grubby and
innovative. He stopped when another grub rubbed the Vaseline in his face.
1. Issac Luke
Luke once admitted to trying to break another players leg in a tackle. And that other player was his
cousin. The incident can be found on YouTube. The video is helpfully titled, Issac Luke Is A Grub. Not by me, I swear.
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