Infrequently Asked Questions About Twins

A few months ago, a Facebook post went viral with responses to frequently asked questions directed towards parents of twins.

I wish I came up with it.

Originally posted here

I can confirm each and every answer hastily written on those envelopes is an answer to a question my wife or myself have been asked by a random stranger. Many times. A couple of our answers differ though.

(They are both boys. And there are some twins in my family, although I'm not sure you could say it runs in the family.)

So let's crank this up a notch.

Here are nine infrequently asked questions (or comments) we have encountered, in approximate chronological order. Thanks to my wife for contributing some of these stories where I wasn't present.

1. "Well Done!"
I actually got this one quite a few times, always from other men. Following the standard question about "do you know what you're having?", I would say "twins... boys", and there would be this smirk and response of "well done!", or something similar along those lines.

This is not how sex works.

The occurrence of a multiple birth does not correlate to the strength of my sperm and my general manliness. I wish I could claim this, but it's simply not true.

2. "Double Trouble!"
This is a fairly standard observation made by uncreative people when seeing random sets of twins.

When the boys were born, I had eight weeks off work. For the last three weeks or so we were probably walking about Marrickville with them every day. Marrickville is very gentrified on weekends, but on weekdays when everyone is at work, it can get a bit weird.

In Marrickville on weekdays, the most common fashion statement is tracksuit pants or oversized slacks worn with sandals.

Anyway, every weekday the same guy would yell out "double trouble!" as we strolled past with the pram. Didn't matter what time of day, he would find us, and he would yell at us. Sometimes from across the street. And he would always add a double finger point, like The Wiggles had auditioned a 5th member, The Hobo Wiggle.

3. "Boy girl?"
A lot of people ask about the twins gender by simply asking "boy girl?"

This is lazy and possibly insulting to whichever boy they think looks like a girl.

However, only one person - an old Greek man in Marrickville - has ever responded to the answer of "both boys" by disappointingly stating "oh, boy and girl better."

4. How To Tell Twins Apart
A variation on the "Are they identical? But they look really alike! Are you sure?" line of questioning.

A person once asked, "do you shave his head so you can tell them apart?". One of them just hadn't grown any hair yet. Also, they were about six months old and who would do that?

5. "Same father?"
This was asked by a random woman also having breakfast at a cafe in Erskineville.

Later it occurred to me she might have asked this as it was me, my wife, and three of my best mates meeting the boys for the first time. Plus she was really rude and stupid.

6. "Do you have a favourite?"
One time an old lady asked me straight up, "do you have a favourite?". I replied, "no".

She followed up by saying in a matter-of-fact tone, "of course, you have to say that. But we all do."

7. Educational Ideas for Random Twins
We don't shop at Rockdale Plaza often, but when we do, often the same woman is there and will approach the pram with some unsolicited advice.

The first time my wife was there alone, and this woman sung to the boys and delivered a passionate spiel about how she should play them Mozart and Beethoven.

The second time, I was waiting outside a shop with the boys, because the pram doesn't fit in all shops and also I'd rather not go into the shops anyway. A woman approached and started talking at length about teaching them Auslan sign language, so they could communicate before they are capable of speech. This was a great thing her granddaughter had learnt.

My wife arrived at the end of the conversation and was able to recognise that it was the same woman.

8. "Do you breastfeed?"
Asked to my wife obviously. Not the question she expected from a male fishmonger.

9. Tourist Attractions
I'm cheating here, as nobody said anything, at least that I heard.

But once when I was at the local Woolworths checkout, two middle-aged Japanese women took photos of my kids sitting in the two shopping trolleys, side-by-side.

When I told my wife that I think Asian tourists may have photographed the boys, she simply said, "it's happened before. I think because they are blonde and twins."

Oh, well that's okay then.