Tuck

A granfalloon is a proud and meaningless association of human beings - Kurt Vonnegut

I was checking out the news a few weeks ago, when I saw this headline:

"Hey, that's my last name!", my internal monologue cried.

And although I don't know Wendy, and I'm not aware of any blood relationship between us, I was irrationally pleased that someone I shared a surname with had achieved something newsworthy.

It was really stupid.

Maybe if my last name was Smith or Jones, I wouldn't have felt the same way?

Anyway in tribute to Wendy and her boat thing, here is a definitive list of the 10 most notable Tuck's ever.

It's a very proud and meaningless association of human beings. Credit to Wikipedia for most of the information and images.

10. Edward
An American banker and philanthropist, who in 1900, provided the funding for the Tuck School of Business at the prestigious Dartmouth College. This offered the world's first Masters of Business Administration (MBA), and therefore in some small way, Eddie is responsible for my meaningless office cubicle existence. 

Honourable Mention: His father Amos was a founder of the Republican Party. When it was anti-slavery, instead of pro-Nazi.

9. Everlasting
A family of characters from the novel Tuck Everlasting (1975) that I have not read, and two film adaptations (1981, 2002) that I have not seen. But the most recent film has a Gilmore Girl in it!

8. Robert Stanford
I'm slightly conflicted about how to regard war heroes, but this WWII fighter ace was the second most prolific at destroying enemy planes in the entire British Air Force. That's a high-level of excellence in killing other humans, any way you look at it.

7. Jessica
An American actress who has starred in TV programmes One Life to Live, Judging Amy, and True Blood. I haven't watched any of them.

6. Matthew
The lead vocalist and rhythm guitarist in the Welsh heavy metal band Bullet for My Valentine. They have released six albums, five in the top ten in Australia, including a number one. That's pretty good!

5. Adolph
One of the sons in Raphael Tuck & Sons Ltd, which is a company you've never heard of, as it was destroyed by that other Adolf in the 1940 London Blitz.

But you have heard of the Christmas card, which the company popularised. And you have heard of the postcard, which the company introduced to Britain. Both those things happened while Adolph was running the show. That was enough to get him knighted and his family the title Baronet. 

4. Dick
An American Democratic Party political strategist and prankster who spent decades devising stunts to embarrass Richard Nixon. Some argue his campaign mischief led to Nixon forming his own dirty (illegal) tricks department, and eventually to Watergate.

He also once ran for office himself, and after his campaign ended in defeat, famously declared: "The people have spoken, the bastards."

Also, some advice: never google "Dick Tuck". Eventually I found a photo of the great man, but it wasn't a pretty road to this outcome.

3. Back and Front
Tuck is also a type of acrobatic flip used in gymnastics and diving, and both sports would be much poorer without it.

2. Michael
An Australian rules footballer who played 426 matches for Hawthorn, an AFL record for most matches from his retirement in 1991 until 2016. He won seven premierships (four as captain).

In the absence of a single person named Tuck having ever played one game of first grade rugby league, or any cricket since 19th century England, Mick earns the title of the best sportsperson named Tuck ever. Although Wayne Jr. ran him close, what with once being ranked the 20th best curler in Canada!

I also think Mike is the only person on this list that is legitimately related to me, as my great-grandfather Tuck was one of 14 siblings, and while him and two brothers moved to northern New South Wales and ran a general store, the other 11 remained in Victoria.

1. Friar
The best Tuck isn't real, but he keeps it real, especially with that inverse bowl cut hairstyle.