Stuff My Kids Say, Part 18

This edition is also known as...

THE HOLIDAY SEASON SPECIAL BUMPER EDITION~!

We are kicking off 2019 with a big update!

1.
For my family, the beginning of the festive season was marked by attendance at a local Christmas carols in the park.

Here is a photo taken by the event organisers for the council Facebook page. I have circled myself and toddler O, and yes, I am holding him upsidedown, and yes, he does look slightly terrified.

#don'tcallDOCS

At the end as we headed back to the car, I asked the twins R and J if they'd enjoyed the evening.

R said to me, "I thought you said carols would be fun?"

I was surprised by this response. We'd had a picnic, they got to use those plastic candles with a battery-powered light as swords, had played with their best friend, run around like lunatics, stayed up way past their bedtime, and best of all, got to check out the inside of an ambulance, including sitting in the drivers seat!

When I pointed all this out, R conceded, "yes that was all good, but the Carols part was boring."

(He might have a point.)


2.
Meanwhile, at pre-school they had a school readiness week in early December.

The kids practised making lunches each day, which R and J both enjoyed, although I'm sure if asked to make their lunch for actual school in a few weeks, they will both collapse to the ground in a screaming tantrum, wailing about how they have to do everything.

R did also comment after Tuesday that he was tired of ham and cheese sandwiches, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that he was only two days into about thirteen years of ham and cheese sandwiches.

There was also an issue on the Wednesday. The kids were invited to wear their school uniforms all week, but that morning I had to explain that they couldn't wear their uniforms today because "we've only bought you two shirts each so far, and one of them is long-sleeved for winter."

To which J replied, "what? So we can cut the sleeves off and wear it?"


3.
Then on the Thursday of school readiness week, J missed pre-school due to illness. The earliest doctors appointment was about 11:30. When we finished, I jokingly asked whether he wanted to play at home with me, or go to school.

Every morning there is about an 80% chance of J refusing to get out of bed 'because he hates pre-school'.

So of course, he said, "I want to go to school."

Dramatisation of my reaction.

He either really likes school readiness, or really doesn't like spending time with his old man.


4.
At least wearing school uniforms will make getting dressed easier.

I recently asked R to stop playing and get dressed. He protested. I said, "it will only take two minutes."

He replied dramatically, "no! It will take forever! First, you have to pick the clothes. Then it will take three minutes for me to get dressed. Then mummy will say it doesn't match anyway..."


5.
It's just started getting difficult to dress O.

One hot night, instead of wearing one of those baby t-shirts that button up underneath the crotch, he wanted to wear pants.

I know this because he spent ten minutes crying while screaming "PANTSSSS!!"

We relented and put him in pants.

Then he pointed and screamed "MAMA PANTS!". Mama was wearing a nightie. Mama also put on some pants.


6.
Nothing from J on clothes recently, but he did refuse to drink a banana smoothie recently because "the yoghurt in it was too soggy."


7.
The boys have toy prams and dolls. One day R decided he was married to O and they had twins. So two dolls went into one pram. Then J decided he was married to mum and they had a daughter in the other pram. He still wants a baby sister.

(It's not happening.)

After some chaos of wheeling prams around the house, R and O left J with all the prams and babies. J then said, "mum, three babies is really hard work".

She already knows.


8.
It might have been acknowledged by J that babies are hard work, but when R was asked if he would help feed the new baby, he quickly said "no".

Mum asked, "why not?"

"I can't because I don't have boobs!", he replied.


9.
For Christmas, Santa decided to get R and J bikes. About two days after it was too late for Santa to change his mind, J decided he wanted a skateboard.

Then about five days before Christmas, when Santa was definitely finished making all the toys, J then casually mentioned he wanted a watch.

I asked, "was it on your list to Santa?"

"Yeah, it was on my list. At school."

Then as he wandered off I heard him mutter to himself, "I hope the elves know how to make a watch..."


10.
J did not get a skateboard or a watch from Santa. This was initially considered disappointing.

(Although the biggest disappointment was expressed by R when he got Ravenclaw Harry Potter socks instead of Slytherin Harry Potter socks. Major meltdown. Also, now I know what Ravenclaw and Slytherin are.)

The disappointment was fleeting, as they got very excited about riding their bikes.

When we got to bike riding, it was all going well... until R crashed. Now he did get a nasty graze on his knee, but the reaction was slightly dramatic.

"Why didn't you bring knee pads?!", he screamed.

"Because I didn't think you could crash a bike with training wheels?", I said.

"Well I need more than two training wheels!"

"That's not going to help if you crash into a gutter..."

Then J came over from riding, wondering what had happened.

R wailed, "don't look at my knee, it will probably give you nightmares!"


11.
It wasn't a Christmas present, but they discovered a Rubik's Cube while we were visiting grandparents. Just a 2x2, like this one...

J may have spent more time trying to work out this puzzle than with all his actual presents.

He is very proficient at getting one side completed, of any colour. Or as he told me, "look Dada, I buggered it up but then I fixed it!"

That is about the limit of my capabilities with the Rubik's Cube too. Which led R to tell J, "Dada is not even that smart, he can't even figure it out."


12.
I shouldn't be surprised that J is good at the Rubik's Cube.

I once asked him what at pre-school he was best at. "Everything," he said matter-of-factly.


13.
R and J are about to finish pre-school. One of their teachers was going on holidays a few weeks before they finished. He asked R, "will you miss me?"

"Yeah", R replied, "but after awhile I won't remember you." This response was both funny and unexpectedly savage.

When the teacher retold me this, I turned to R and said, "you've got a good memory, so I'm sure you'll remember!"

"Yeah, but when I get older I'll lose my memory."

"How old?"

R thought for a second. "Oh, about 11."

"So you've got a few good years left," I suggested.