Stuff My Kids Say, Part 21b

Some time ago, I wrote about Toddler O, and promised Part B about twins R & J soon after.

Then I got busy, then a mishap meant my almost finished draft disappeared, and then I got even more busy. And so, soon after became many weeks later.

It's been so long, that before we finally start, I thought I should provide a recent pic of the twins:

They grow up so fast

And now, stories...


1.
R is very talkative, but I'm not sure he actually says much. Mostly he's providing noise to fill a silence. Or noise to talk over something more constructive.

I find the most worthwhile conversations with him happen while walking.

For example, on a Saturday morning walking to soccer while watching traffic, he asked me: "why do cars need tyres? The wheels are round."

"Well, they are metal and they would probably cause fire and sparks if they drove on the road."

"Yeah," he said, "but it would look pretty cool."

"True."

A few weeks later, on the way back from the park: "how do birds stand on the wire without electrocuting themselves?"

"They are very clever," I replied, as code for I have no idea.

R wasn't accepting that. "If they're so smart, how come they can't even talk?"


2.
On that trip to soccer with the discussion of cars without tyres, J hardly said a word. He may not have even been aware of the conversation.

Then during his soccer game, he finally talked to me. I was controlling the stopwatch to ensure all the kids spent equal time off, and at J's turn, he said two things to me.

Firstly, when I clapped a five-year-old on the other team for something: "don't cheer for the other team!"

Secondly, when the other team scored a goal: "they wouldn't have scored if I was still on the field."

He takes his soccer seriously.


3.
Aside from soccer, J is quite relaxed about most things. But then he will unexpectedly share a very strong opinion.

"Put on your sandals", I asked one day.

"No!", he replied angrily. "Sandals are dumb!"

"Why?"

"Because you're supposed to wear them when it's hot but they have holes in the top so your feet will get sunburned!"


4.
Aside from soccer, and swimming, the other organised physical activity lately is bike riding.

My wife recently re-started riding a bike too. Following a family afternoon riding around a park, she asked the twins if they wanted to come with her on a longer ride along the bike path. I would pack the younger two in the car and meet them in a couple of kilometres.

J was keen.

R initially said "no", before FOMO saw him enter the activity at the last minute.

Before they started, there was a long pep talk from mum about how they weren't going to stop every five seconds. There would also be no complaints about tired legs, going too fast, and going too far.

I've been reliably informed that approximately five seconds later, R stopped and pleaded that he needed a drink of water. When the request was denied on the grounds that they had gone roughly 15 metres and still hadn't even got onto the bike path, he screamed, "BUT I'M DEHYDRATING!"

This was the start of roughly two kilometres, or 25 minutes, of pedaling and wailing. During this ordeal, R was constantly screaming that everyone was riding too fast and his legs were sore. At the same time, walkers were overtaking him.


5. 
As we head out of winter, our small backyard has also been getting more use.

A genius idea from a friend: we have some pool noodles cut into shorter lengths, with tape around one end. This makes them light sabers. R and J are often send to the backyard to hit each other in this more controlled setting.

One sunny afternoon I was out there too, laying on a picnic rug with baby L, when R said: "you need to get a light saber too!"

"I can't really leave your baby brother," I replied. This was true - if I turned my back for a second, he would definitely eat grass and leaves. Plus I also wanted to lie down.

"You can use The Force!", R suggested. Then he kicked the light saber into my head.

"I guess you need to learn how to control The Force better," he mused.


6.
We also have one of those plastic shells in the backyard, which is filled with plastic balls.

One day, R ran inside, yelling "J has thrown a ball on the roof!"

It turned out they had both thrown balls on the roof. I asked, "why?"

"To knock the first ball down," said R. He didn't add duh at the end, but it was implied in his tone.

"Did you really think you could knock a ball out of a gutter by throwing another ball at it?"

"Yes," they both quickly replied, showing absolutely no awareness of their throwing capabilities or how guttering works.

7.
Another thing where they have no awareness...

J returned from the shops with his mum, and with eyes wide in amazement, said to me: "do you know what I saw at the shops?"

"No, what?"

"They had ice-cream where chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry WERE ALL TOGETHER!"

"No way," I said laughing, as I realised we have never bought them Neapolitan ice-cream.


8.

Now for a story that combines everything we have learned about the twins so far from the earlier stories: a suspicion of birds, increasing interest in sport and play, and food.

One day, R told me the birds had stolen his lunch at school. He strongly argued there was no way he could've prevented this from happening, until I said: "why didn't close your lunchbox?"

"Oh yeah", he said.

That same week, on the Friday, they got a lunch order at school. The days of meat pies, salad sandwiches on white bread, and lolly bags are long gone. R gets nachos, and J gets a ham and cheese pizza.

That day J reported that birds ate his ham and cheese pizza while he was playing.

"Why didn't you eat first, then play", I asked.

"But if I ate, I wouldn't get time to do my exercise," he replied earnestly, conjuring up images of time in the yard of a maximum security prison.

9.

Finally, my kids now write stuff. These were early attempts at story writing, without help.

J started by drawing a bunch of hybrid animals, best described as abominations to nature...

There's a "crocodioal tail" with some kind of bug body and webbed feet, "bat wings" on a crocodile head and tail, "shark tail" on what appears to be an elephant head with a crocodile body and wings, "snail eyes" on another winged croc, and "spider legs" which seems to have a duck head and body, croc tail and more wings.

They are all listed as "troo" and "not troo". I don't know why, and the accompanying story doesn't make it any clearer:

Translation: 28/9/19. The News. Sadly all the Thylacine* have died out. But there are a whole new lot of animals. There is the spider legs. There is the bat wings [and] shark tail. There is the snail eyes and there is the crocodioal. You see there are many animals!

R's story was a little more straightforward, yet arguably more disturbing:

Yes, he named snail after himself, and it appears to be the happiest snail ever!

Then you read: The R snail is a very dangerous it can kill you.