Places I've Eaten, Part One

I really enjoy food. I'm one of those people that talks about food texture and complimentary flavours and so on. I often pick places to do various things based on what is available to eat nearby. I can't leave anything on my plate even if full, because there are starving kids in Africa and also because of gluttony. I understand quinoa. I pretend to understand kale.

So I'm one of those people. A wanker foodie.

Once you have children you don't get out as much, but recently I've had a couple of interesting dining experiences that I thought I'd share. I probably have enough material for a dozen articles like this.

Now before we begin, I'd like to pose the following riddle:

What's the difference between a blogger and a food blogger?

A blogger eats the food instead of taking photos of the food.

Sorry, I just didn't have the foresight to take photos of what I'm eating for a future blog. Or the selfishness to take photos of what I'm eating and ruin the intimate dining experience of everyone else. Plus I don't even know what Instagram is. So you will just have to use your imagination to visualise any specific food mentioned. 

Rockpool Bar and Grill

This place is like the strange case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for me. 

The Jekyll

I went to the bar last Thursday night and had the greatest hamburger I've ever eaten. Perfectly cooked juicy meat, a delicious bun with a hint of sweetness, and great condiments. Also crisp fresh iceberg lettuce and tomato, the kind I can't find in shops because it's reserved for supply to restaurants. I think engineering is critical for a hamburger, and this was also constructed beautifully - the bun was actually the right size for its contents and it wasn't soggy. You could pick it up in your hands if inclined, although given this was such a classy establishment, I cut it in half first. If you share a side of chips, it's $30. With some of the rubbish $15-$20 burgers you get in pubs and clubs, this was worth paying the premium.

The Hyde

I ate at the grill for my 30th birthday. It was disappointing. Perhaps because we had 12 people on our table, and it was a busy Saturday night, they were struggling to keep pace. But if you have one hat (and now it has two...) there should be no excuses.

Three things stand out:

1. My wife (wife-to-be at the time) got a $55 steak with a giant seam of gristle through the middle, and was informed by the waiter that this was normal marbling with the cut. I've seen and eaten marbled steaks before and this wasn't normal marbling. Now from my vantage point there were two options available in this situation - accept the dubious word of this slightly rude waiter regarding the steak, or send it back and wait another 30 minutes for a replacement while everyone else had their meal was on the table. She found option three - swapping steak with partner. Even on my birthday, I'm giving the presents. Anyway, even working around the gristle I've had many better steaks.

2. Later someone's dessert - a creation of three donuts stacked in a pyramid shape - was knocked over on delivery to the table. Now I know it'll taste the same, but there is a strong visual element to fine dining.

3. I specified "smart casual" as the dress code. To one person this meant baggy jeans, sneakers, t-shirt and a hoodie. Another person wore a tuxedo.

The Bridge Room

This was for our 2nd anniversary recently. I'd heard good things - two hats, "chef of the year" in the Good Food Guide etc. And most importantly, it was very closely located to available babysitting.

It was very good but not great. Technically excellent but nothing to blow you away. I've eaten a lot of meals that years later I still remember vividly, and not just at fine dining restaurants. Yet five weeks on I can't remember anything specific about The Bridge Room food.

What I do remember is the service. One particular guy, it must've been his first day. When he tried to explain 'fish of the day': 

"The fish of the day is...

...

<First Day stares blankly, eyes turned upwards, classic racking brain look>

...

<cogs almost visibly spinning inside First Day's head, pause starting to get awkward>

...

...ahh fuck."

<First Day hurriedly leaves to consult with colleague> 

I thought this was hilarious, but it must be a risky proposition to respond to forgetting your lines in that fashion. Some people are easily offended, especially when paying top dollar.

We ordered a half dozen oysters from First Day and got a dozen, technically a mistake but a pretty good outcome. Then when we'd finished the oysters he lifted the plate up clumsily and spilled some residue. He cleaned up the table but didn't realise he'd also got the oyster juice on the person seated on the next table. 

After that we seemed to get service from people not on their first day. It was less fun.