On Saturday we went to the zoo. It was the kids second zoo experience, but first with us (the grandparents got in early).
Did they enjoy it?
Inconclusive.
Sure, they looked at the animals with wide-eyed wonder, mouths agape, pointing at them quizzically, but they do that with lots of things. For example, an interesting bit of fluff on the carpet. The most enjoyment they had was when we turned one of their seats in the pram the other way, so they could see each other. Which we could have done anywhere.
I thought the zoo was good though.
While nothing surpassed the moment on my last visit many years ago where I saw a rhino take a piss, here's a review of some of the experiences from Saturday.
Giraffes
I've always wondered what sound a giraffe makes. I once fed a giraffe a carrot, but I couldn't coax it to speak. And so the question remains unanswered.
The giraffes are magnificent creatures that happen to inhabit the best real estate in all of Sydney. Look at this amazing view:
While they are asset rich, they are cash poor. Including house value in the means test would really ruin their retirement. They would probably have to sell and move to a 2-bedroom unit in Crows Nest just to make ends meet.
Rating: ****
I deducted one star because they never invite me to watch the fireworks on New Years Eve.
Chimpanzees
Chimpanzees are the most similar creature to man inhabiting the animal kingdom. We have many things in common, like enjoying bananas and approximately 98% DNA. However, one major difference is that they have majestic butts. They aren't unnecessarily showy like the ridiculous buttocks of the gibbon, it's a much more understated prominence that exudes class and sophistication.
I was going to include a picture but I thought it might be classified not work safe.
After seeing the chimpanzees I read a sign that said there are only 200,000 chimpanzees remaining in the wild. This is both tragic and makes the Rise of the Planet of the Apes seem highly dubious. There are about seven billion humans - based on numbers alone the best the chimps could hope for would be a protracted guerrilla battle where the humans make a strategic withdrawal and offer a peace treaty. I doubt they would be able to make significant territorial gains into human territory.
Rating: ****1/2
Almost as awesome as humans - we obviously get the full ***** rating.
Seals
I was heartened to see in the old elephant enclosure a sign that explained you haven't been able to ride the elephants for about four decades because the zoos focus moved from entertainment to conservation.
This enlightened ethical stance seems at odds with the seal show at 11am, 1pm, and 2pm, where Californian Sea Lions perform like trained dogs for the amusement of the public.
We went to the 1pm show. Some of the tricks were cool but I think they need to take it to the next level.
Rating: **1/2
The Olympic diving team needn't worry, these seals haven't even mastered a 360 spin yet, and the splash on entry was often massive.
Emu
When we went to the animal farm section, an emu was wandering freely along the path.
This seems risky when you consider a flock of emus once defeated the Australian army.
The emu casually came STRAIGHT FOR US, staring intently with its crazed flightless bird eyes, before veering its path of destruction slightly to our left. It was tense.
Rating: ****1/2
Emus are the second most crazy-eyed, erratic creature from Australia behind Mel Gibson. The encounter almost got the kids to react to something.
Koalas
When we entered the koala exhibit a zookeeper was explaining how koalas are antisocial loners who don't mate easily.
I already knew they are fussy eaters and sleep most of the day, but didn't realise they struggle for motivation to get laid.
So yeah, I really hate we've destroyed a lot of their native habitat, but there has to be an element of personal responsibility in getting off the endangered list. Koalas are definitely leaners. Where is the drive from koalas to fight for their own survival?
They also carry lots of disease and are quite smelly.
Rating: 1/2*
The only thing worse than a koala is a panda. They are not only bludgers but also foreign.
Souvenir Shop
This is cleverly positioned so you have to walk through the shop to exit the zoo. You have a choice between buying something, or squatting in the zoo and being raised by sun bears.
We got two of those backpacks that are also leads for your children. One is a kangaroo and the other a koala. The leads kind of look like tails, except when you realise koalas don't really have tails like that.
Rating: *****
I'm going to get a real peace of mind from my kids being restrained like pets at all time in public with these adorable backpacks. Don't judge me.
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