Kids Dictionary

I've written a lot of stuff on funny things my kids say (and do); it's up to 19 entries.

What I haven't done previously is compile a list of unique words they use. So here is the Kids Dictionary.

Note that these are not things they can't say correctly - like when kids say "sketti" or "hoptible" - because that would be mean. These are errors in pronouncing words, or creative inventions when they didn't know the actual word, that they've kept saying because it got a laugh.

The kid who says it is in brackets, next to the word - it'll be R, J, or O. Usually it is J. That kid does not give a f--- about the conventions of the English language.

Pictured (left to right): R, O, J

Apartner (R)
A group of rooms used as a dwelling within a building.

Bemember (J)
To recall from memory; think of again.

Boomeranga (J, R)
A curved piece of wood used as a throwing club for hunting by Indigenous Australians.

Recently the kids were at Paddy's Markets with mum, looking at the tourist merchandise, and J said, "I want a boomeranga."

Mum asked, "what are you going to do with a boomerang?"

R quickly said, "catch dinner!"

Later that night when I asked him about it, he suggested he might catch a kangaroo or a crocodile.

"Would you really eat kangaroo?", I asked, knowing for a five-year-old that is only just trying vegetables the idea of eating a non-farmed, wild animal would be unfathomable.

"No," he conceded.

"So you can't use a boomerang to hunt a kangaroo then."

"I can if I make a coat," he replied.

Buttums (J)
A small disk attached to clothing and passed through a buttumhole.

Cassowarium (J)
Large flightless bird of northern Australia and New Guinea.

Click-clacks (J)

Small, hard mints sold is a transparent plastic case with a white flip-top lid.

Cradlecrap (J, R)
An inflammation of the scalp, occurring in infants.

Are you putting oil on O's head because of his cradlecrap?

Family Pasta (J)
Small cases of square pasta stuffed with filling, when purchased in a packet designed to feed four or more persons.

Golfball (J)
An eccentric or silly person.

Recently when J did something deliberately silly, mum called him a "goofball".

He replied, "no, you're the golfball!"

Iron Food (J, R)
A Kellogg's breakfast cereal made from corn, oats and wheat.

I don't want Nutri-Grain, I want Iron Food!
Is it the weekend - can I have Iron Food instead of Weet Bix?

Also on the cereal front, anything in the Uncle Toby's Plus range is referred to as Worms.

Longs (J)
A loose fitting outer garment for the lower part of the body with individual leg portions typically reaching to the ankle.

Or, what you wear when it's too cold for shorts.

Milkholes (R)
A mammary gland with more than one teat, as in cows.

Na-na (O)
A rubber or plastic device for a baby to suck on.

This is pronounced slightly differently than nanna (a grandmother) and 'nana (a tropic fruit with a yellow skin).

Old McDonald (J, R)
The worlds largest restaurant chain. Pronounce Old McDawnauld, for some reason.

Pelican falcon (J)
Bird of prey that is the fastest animal in the world.

Random person (R)
Unknown human.

"Dada, I don't want to sit next to that random person", R said, while pointing at the unsuspecting individual on the crowded train.

Silly Doofer (J)
Unknown origin. I think J once heard someone say "silly duffer." And after hearing it once, doofer became his go-to insult used about one thousand times to date.

Snuggly Toys (J, R)
Any stuffed animal. The highlight here is some of the names, the five best are:

1. Blanco (R) - a white gibbon, named because they were learning how to say colours in Spanish at pre-school.
2. Tall (J) - in response to Blanco, J named his giraffe Tall because giraffes are tall.
3. Teddy (R) - last time we went on holidays, R said he didn't want to take Teddy, "because he is too old to go anywhere". He is my childhood teddy bear. When I pointed out I'm just as old, Teddy was cleared for travel.
4. Striper (J) - a zebra, obviously.
5. Dolphiny Wolphy (J) - the household animal kingdoms answer to Boaty McBoatface.

Spicy Milk (J)
Stock, when purchased in a Tetra Pak like long-life milk.

Volintano (J)
A mountain or hill with a crater at the summit, from which ash and lava are expelled.

Wickersnicker (J)
The player on the fielding team in cricket that stands directly behind the wicket to catch balls that pass it.