Stuff My Kids Say, Part 22

The other day I called my wife. She answered while driving. The first thing I heard over the speaker was one of the twins yelling, "don't wee, penis!"

"He needs to go the toilet," she said.

It was at that moment I realised it was time to recap some of the shenanigans from the twins R and J, and toddler O too. Before we start, here is a recent picture of them, along with baby L:

The Simpsons: 30 for 30 - Part One

I read in the news today that The Simpsons might end soon.

Like almost everyone else I stopped watching at least 15 years ago, but the show has still had a great influence on me and the stuff I say.

So to mark about 30 years of Our Favourite Family, I've taken out of mothballs this list of the top 30 episodes I started drafting about two years ago.

The plan is for it to be three parts.

This is Part One. It has lay dormant, complete and unpublished, for about 18 months. I never got around to Parts Two and Three, but I'm confident news of the end will push me on to finish.

Images are generated from the outstanding website frinkiac.com. Video links are from YouTube, and may or may not be of questionable copyright status, so if you're reading this from the future and links are broken you'll know why.

Grammar Rodeo

GRAMMAR RODEO

A Real Conversation with Twin J

Pool Party

POOL PARTY

A Real Conversation with Twin R

Injuries

You can't just have a boring accident in my house.

One week ago, it started with a suspected poisoning...

Rugby League Earth Team 2019

I'm answering the big Rugby League question:

What if the World had to select a team to play an intergalactic Test match?

I've done this twice before: in May 2017 for the international representative window, and in December 2017, following the World Cup.

A lot has changed in the last two years; there are 13 uncapped players in the Planet Earth XVII this time. The one thing that hasn't changed is selections are still dominated by Australians. Even after the shock loss to Tonga on the weekend, they are the most talented team on the planet. But looking at the representation, the 2019 premiership winning Roosters might be the best team, with four players selected and another two in the reserves.

So let's see what the EARTH TEAM 3.0 looks like now...

The Blake Austin Prophecy

I couldn't help but notice that Blake Austin is listed in jersey #21 (emergency reserve) for the Great Britain Lions this weekend.

This reminded me that Austin was at the centre of the most random almost prediction of my life. A near hit as bizarrely specific as it was trivial and pointless.

You don't need to like footy, or even know who Blake Austin is, to appreciate the brilliance (and maybe some luck) of this one...

Stuff My Kids Say, Part 21b

Some time ago, I wrote about Toddler O, and promised Part B about twins R & J soon after.

Then I got busy, then a mishap meant my almost finished draft disappeared, and then I got even more busy. And so, soon after became many weeks later.

It's been so long, that before we finally start, I thought I should provide a recent pic of the twins:

They grow up so fast

And now, stories...

NRL Grand Final 2019

A belated Grand Final review - which means it's about SIXTH TACKLE GATE~!

(Or: A Defense of Referees)

Stuff My Kids Say, Part 21a

I now have so many children that I’ve broken the latest edition of Stuff My Kids Say into two parts: A and B.

Toddler O

Part A will focus on toddler O, who is three-years-old, which is a fun and funny age.

He's so funny right now that this blog could've had thousands of entries except for two things: firstly, it would be too long to read, perhaps requiring sub-parts [21a(i), 21a(ii), ...], and secondly, I've got haphazard with my recording of moments. There have been so many funny scenes recently where I've thought, I'll write that down later, and then I forget to do it, or I remember to do it but have already forgetton the detail.

But here are nine where I remembered everything!

Forget the Finals, Canberra are already the Real NRL Champions

When you think about it, the NRL finals are weird.

Teams play 24 matches across the regular season, and although there are flaws in this - not playing everyone twice, teams weakened by State of Origin, and so on - this method does provide a fairly good sense of who the best team for that year is.

That team is awarded the minor premiership...

...which is then completely dismissed as meaningless because of a four-week tournament known as "the NRL finals", where the minor premiers and 4th place have the same starting point even when they were five wins apart in the regular season.

And the winner of the last match in this one-month tournament is forever remembered as the champions, while the winner of the six-month tournament proceeding is largely forgotten.

There has to be a better way.

And there is... the Rugby League Championship Belt.

NRL Ladder Prediction 2019 - Revisited

Another regular season of NRL is done and it's time to review my NRL predictions! No other rugby league expert is this transparent and accountable!

Previous results are...

2015: 6/16

2016: 5/16

2017: 6/16

2018: 5/16

2019: ????

Hey, it's harder than it looks. I'm hoping for 2019 I can crack 7/16. Let's see...

Music Appreciation

We were doing a road trip and in conversation with the six-year-olds it somehow came up that the voice of Bluey's dad was once the lead singer in a popular band, and that Dad really, really liked this band.

This was all A Long Time Ago.

A Long Time Ago in our house is defined by circumstances such as:

• only having five TV channels, and not being able to pause any of them;
• telephones being attached to your house by a cord, except for the ones in a box on the street that need coins to work; and 
• watching movies on something called a VCR, or even a DVD.

The six-year-olds ask to hear Bluey's dad. I was happy to oblige.

NRL Grub Rankings - Official 2019 Update

NRL GRUB RANKINGS - OFFICIAL 2019 UPDATE

In 2015, I undertook months of painstaking research to produce easily the most comprehensive list of NRL grubs ever assembled.

The original countdown is here, here, and here (three parts).

'Grub' is, of course, the preferred insult to throw at an NRL player you don't like for a myriad of reasons, from legitimate grub behaviour like dirty play, to just being from the wrong state or playing for the wrong club.

(Note that in AFL, the word 'flog' is used similarly to 'grub', although flog is problematic due to its association with people who wanted to code their racism about Adam Goodes because they were horrible people AND also too cowardly to be openly racist.)

If you disagree that someone is a grub, or has committed a grub act, the strongest possible defense is to exclaim "it's not his go!". This leads to a stalemate, with no clear determination of the players grubbiness.

Which is why I developed the grub rankings, for footy related grub acts only.

But moving forward to 2019, about half of the original 43 grubs have retired - this includes some first ballot hall-of-fame caliber grubs like Greg Bird, Mick Ennis, Nate Myles and Justin Hodges. Which means it's time for an update to the Official NRL Grub Rankings...

The Art Gallery IV (Under The Sea)

I've shared my kids drawings a few times before.

I recently enjoyed this one by J, which he explained was "different sea creatures":

Let's examine it a bit closer, starting at the top left and going clockwise...

Stuff My Kids Say, Part 20

This is a late release of the second quarter best quotes for 2019!!

My Homework for the School Holidays

MY HOMEWORK FOR THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS

(Or: What I have learned from two terms)

BY ROBERT TUCK

The twins R and J are officially halfway through their first school year now. Here they are in their classroom:

Some of the earlier school highlights are HERE.

As a parent, there has been an adjustment from childcare or preschool. Some differences are obvious - it costs less, there are fewer hours, they wear a uniform, and so on. 

But the important differences are more subtle.

One of the main changes in transition to primary school is information supply.

'MURICA~!

To celebrate the anniversary of the most influential democracy in the planet, here is a flag my son J drew about six months ago, when he was going through a weird phase of drawing different flags...

Review: The Simpsons Carbonated Beverages

On a recent family trip up the coast, we stopped at a local shopping centre for some supplies, then discovered a shop selling nothing but imported candy, chocolates, soft drink and other junk food.

I felt like a kid in some kind of store.

While I was disappointed with the unavailability of Skittlebrau and Gummy Venus de Milo's, I did discover these...

So here is the review of Duff Beer and the Flaming Moe...

Soccer

What a week for the round ball game. Liverpool! Spurs! Marrickville Red Devils U6's Navy!

Yes, we have recently entered the world of Saturday morning sport.

Stuff My Kids Say, Part 19

I haven't had much time to write lately. It turns out four kids is a lot of kids. It's definitely more than three, although I can't confirm if it's as many as five. The fact that four is many children does consume pretty much all of my potential blogging time. 

Hey Rob, how's the family?

Anyway, here's a bunch of stuff the oldest three have said over the last few months...

Jokes

This is titled "Jokes", but first it is about money. Then it is about jokes. This will all make sense soon.

It starts when I was recently walking home from school with the twins, pictured here...

...And we somehow got into a long discussion where I attempted to explain a slightly higher level concept of money to them.

School

My twins R and J started "big school" this year.

Here is a class photo.

These are some highlights of their time so far...

NRL Ladder Prediction 2019

This is my fifth year of predicting the NRL final table. And after four years of failure, I think I've got this now!

Review: A Day at Taronga Western Plains Zoo

Years ago, I wrote a review of one of my twins earliest visits to Taronga Zoo. They have been to the zoo dozens of times since, and have seen all of the animals there.

So last November, we took a road trip to Dubbo to visit Taronga Western Plains. The following is a review of some of the experiences from the trip!

BBL08 Best XI

This article does eventually reveal the Rob's Blog official unofficial BBL08 Best XI.

But first, a review of the season.

BBL08 was, at best, a plateau for the golden goose of Australian cricket. And at worst, the competition jumped the shark.

Everything prophesied in the BBL07 Best XI introductory spiel has come to pass...

Book Review: Mr. Tickle

Mr. Tickle is the original book in the Mr. Men series. It was written by Roger Hargreaves, after Adam - his son, and future successor as Mr. Men series author - asked him, what does a tickle look like?

It is a good question! And here is the apparent answer:

Another good question might be, what does a tickle act like? And the answer to that is rather disturbing.

Remembering that time Nick Kyrgios went full Nick Kyrgios

And you should never go full Nick Kyrgios.

Stuff My Kids Say, Part 18

This edition is also known as...

THE HOLIDAY SEASON SPECIAL BUMPER EDITION~!

We are kicking off 2019 with a big update!